Latest Laotian Apologies

Brickdust, Brumbrums, and Brickbats

SO SORRY to take so long to write anything and at the same time SO gratified by the number of urgent requests I have received for more posts. (Thanks Mum!) I am horrified to realise that it's been a month, but the usual litany of excuses applies.

Most of them have to do with the woeful computer facilities up here where you can tap away for fifteen minutes on something really punchy and then the computer blithely informs you that it hasn't been listening to a word you've said for 12 minutes, so one has to either put one's foot through the screen or start again, which same doesn't usually work.

So, yeah, a lot of postponing has been going on....and then there's the HOUSE.

Well, the builders have started and the work has gone painfully slowly because they've been painstakingly putting tiles on the bathroom walls, kitchen walls, kitchen bench, bathroom, kitchen and dining room floors, mixing every bit of cement by hand---doing everythng by hand without even a proper level---they use a bit of tubing with water in it. Every tile is cut with a little hand cutter thingie and every bit of material has to be bought and brought home by me and Sommay, us on his motorbike and the stuff travelling by tuk-tuk. ( The little darling is a mean bargainer and always gets us a better price, especially in the Chinese market)

You may have noticed I said that they're tiling the kitchen bench. THAT was a surprise. Came in to find this strange brick concoction rising in the darkest corner of the kitchen, made darker by the years of open fire cooking that has been done there over the years. Wall is Black with thick soot. Everything here tends to be done on the floor so there was no bench, no sink, no fridge, no ceiling, no nuffink. So it all has to be bought and}orbuilt and usually with rendered brick covered in tiles.

Anyway, this was how I learned about Lao kitchen benches and my builder, whose name I think is Somphet and who I call Bob, found outALL about asking the client what she wants before erecting a permanent monument to the all too common male ailment of knowing nothing about kitchens and workspace comprising more than two square feet.

"So is this Bob's kitchen?" I ranted "No, it's Suzy's kitchen, isn't it. So why don't we ask Suzy what she wants? Maybe Bob likes tiny little cement benches with only two cupboard doors all smeared with grouting and cement, but SUZY SURE DOESN'T, now does she? So just ASK Suzy, why don't we. Here I am, larger than life, with a fulltime paid translator standing by at all times, so..."

You get the picture. And I have a much extended bench, built for giants. Bathroom basin is also Brobdignagian.

Then the workmen Bob brought in from some faraway province to do the tiling---and they're not bad at it for guys who live in bamboo huts, ---have been living in the house, much to the horror of my boys who live there, too. There being only one room at present they all have to share.

Unfortunately, these country guys are a little rough around the edges and shared their loud voices, stories about prostitutes, heavy drinking, general mess and then affably shared the visible evidence of their syphilis which was all a bit tooo much for my Sommay, he being a straightarrow not long out of the monastery.

So more diplomacy was required and applied before all was pally again and finally fond farewells were said as the country boys headed off to the bush for the holidays, leaving a brand new kitchen ceiling leaking every time it rains and a thick layer of red brick dust over everything from the (hand) sanding job on the floor. But we have a functioning farang style toilet and a hot shower!

Today I bought a Chinese Hoover and showed Sommay how it worked and he fell in love with it immediately, being a demon cleaner-upper.

Yesterday he and Joy cleaned the whole place, eradicating all traces of the naughty boys from up north, and then rang me up and said coyly, Are you coming to visit us today? We're making fish soup for lunch. Of course I was coming over (I'm still in a Guest House until my quarters are ready) and Oh, you should have seen their little shining faces as they showed me all the work they'd done and then served up the soup. Sommay had gone out and bought new bolts for all the windows and installed them, barking orders at Joy, who sweetly complies, with never a word of demur.

And today we fixed up a temporary room for me upstairs in the house so I can sleep peacefully away from the loud parties with wailing karaoke that goes on until late in my new guesthouse's neighbourhood. I look forward to waking up with a view of the Mekong and the sounds of birds and chickens and ducks, rather than the brummmmbrum of the neighbour's tuk tuk, the slamming of doors and hollering from house to house that fills the air in the otherwise charming little lane where I stay.

It's not strictly legal for me to do this as I am still on a tourist visa, but plans are afoot to change that....

Which brings me to....

My Beautiful New Career

I've been going on about teaching, helping, writing, researching, volunteering, travelling---you've heard it all---- in reponse to questions about what I am doing up here, so now I can tell you that aside from hoovering red dust off every surface of my future living space, I have been busy talking to a number of people about something more specific.

I need a job to have a business visa, and there are a number of ways to get one. One would be to work for one of the Lao-run English schools here, which may or may not be willing to pay for the visa, will certainly pay me fairly badly and pretty much totally limit my choice of teaching materials to their own.

Or I can apply to various NGOs for a job but these things take forever, require specific degrees, and may not be in Luang Prabang, where my heart is, not to mention the house for which I have just paid five years rent. So what do you do in this situation? I go straight to Keo's bar, the Pack Luck (no I have no idea what that means) and chat and hang out with various expats there.

There I met Aussie Marissa who is up here teaching marketing techniqes to upmarket boutiques and who put me on to Claus who has an English School. The fact that he is German and his English is not perfect (not to mention his strong German accent) makes no difference---his school is very popular and successful.

So we talked and in the end he offered me a job, as long as I pay for the visa, (No, you don't want to know how much) and then he'll give me an advanced class and the students will pay me directly. Great little old building buried in a tropical garden.

Then he had a think about my ideas for teaching hospitality and tourism English and trainng kids for such jobs and offered me the chance to start my own series of courses.

So I am well-chuffed over this and already devising lectures. Meanwhile, my landlord, Thomas the Thai, who is also my neighbour and a bit of a mate, is talking about hiring me as a consultant for some of his businesses here and maybe getting me a visa that way, and other people are talking about me teaching English to the doctors at the hospital---pronunciation mainly.

So, as Sommay has learned to say, It's all happening! I WILL keep you posted...

And that's not all...

Happy New Year!

Bit late, you say? Not a bit of it. Up here it's now, at the hottest time of year and is combined with a water festival. And it takes place over five days....It's all about washing the various Buddhas, cleaning one's house, wishing each other luck and involves ceremonies and parades and water. Lots of it. Mostly thrown on unsuspecting passersby by hysterically happy teenagers with buckets by the road, one's friends as they arrive at one's house, you name it. It used to involve decorated elephants, but they haven't been seen for a few years, so I haven't got my hopes up.

And, of course, drinking, which they do here with extraordinary fervour. They share a glass and each person has to chug a half a glass of beer, or a shot of Laolao (distilled from rice and disgusting) and keep on doing so until they fall over. Doesn't usually take long, but there are always new people joining and singing starts fairly early in the process along with drumming.If one is participating, it's a lot of fun; if not, it's pretty trying.

So tonight we're having a last meal at Nishas Indian resto as it is Francine's last night in Laos, and then who knows what might happen..Keo has invited me for a drink at his place and he's actually got cold Freixenet champagne in his wine fridge, so the celebrations could go on....I may be some time, but I promise to write sooner...There's lots more to tell.

NowI've got to find a way home that dodges the water-chuckers.....